He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
