So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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