o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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