he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
