So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
