Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
