Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
