Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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