So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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