my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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