It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
