Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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