Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
