He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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