Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
