Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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