god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
