Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
