in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
