You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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