I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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