Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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