Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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