i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to stop coming to work sober
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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