guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Operation Purity has been aborted
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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