how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this will be a night to untag.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
