I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
