Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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