I want to have your abortion
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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