that's an acceptable place to lick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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