I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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