I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
