You're my little dorito
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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