Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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