DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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