just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
