Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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