I hate your face
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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