is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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