i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
