Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't notice because vodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
