The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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