i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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