I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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