i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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