Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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