he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
