I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
