That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
