Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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