so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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