Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
