two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
