I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
