I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
