Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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