Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
