Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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