She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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