And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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