Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
