walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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