All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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