She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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