I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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