oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
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