Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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