just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
