Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
