God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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