I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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