I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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