I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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