My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
