Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As shirtless as possible
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
