he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
