On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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