Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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