Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
